Psalm 119 for this year.

Happy New Year.  It is 2014 !!!

On the eve of the new year, for many years, I commune with the Lord for a scriptural direction in my life.  Because of many things that I've been dealing with around me, I have been desiring to be in His word daily.  Sadly, this has not been my habit, nor my desire lately.  Just being honest.   So as I was enjoying my NYE sauna, I was led to Psalm 119.  He is so faithful, as this scripture really spoke to the desire of my heart.  So as I walk through this, I'll try to share what I've learned here. 

Blessings for the New Year :)

Shush ... just shush

I found this to be extremely helpful AND needed today :)  Hope it blesses you, too!

http://www.truewoman.com/?id=2679&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%253A+TrueWoman08+%2528True+Woman+Blog%2529

Don't Miss It

Recently a friend of mine wrote a blog article about how her ex-husband has missed so many of their 4 children's life events, big and small.

It made me think ... a lot!  I have been parenting by myself since 1997.  My children are now 19 and 23.  I was there through EVERY event, big and small.  And you know what?  I was not able to enjoy everything!  Sad, I know, but let me explain.  When you're sitting at your son's basketball game or your daughter's volleyball game, or watching and helping your daughter get ready for prom, or dining with your son at his prom dinner (because his date backed out), your (my) mind isn't always just in the moment.  In fact, it's hardly in the moment at all. 

I've spent so much of my children's growing up years trying to figure out how to balance life, wondering how I'm going to put gas in my car so we can travel to the next activity/game/church, making sure I have a little extra to buy groceries, etc.  My children learned the value of shopping thrift stores (we still do), and how to make many, many meals from 1 whole roasted chicken. 

I wonder whether my memories would be different if I hadn't needed to concentrate on everything else, and just be able to enjoy the moment.

We did make many great memories, though!!  My kids can tell you that ;)

It started with horses

This was my view today ... the woods behind my home and a perfect deer run.

I've been interested in purchasing a pair of snowshoes for awhile now.  It just so happened that I have some friends who had some that they haven't used for a long time.  They were gracious to loan them to me, so I could decide whether I wanted to invest in a pair for myself.

Today, after receiving an additional several inches of snow, I decided to try them out.  I didn't go far - just along the perimeter of the woods behind my home.  But let me telllll youuuu IT WAS A GREAT WORKOUT!!! 

Over the years, I had come to dislike winter.  Here in Minnesota, that's not really an option.  Well, I guess you could continue to dislike winter, but you end up inside for many, many months.  As I've grown wiser (haha) I've learned to enjoy being outdoors, no matter what the season.  I admit that I do hunker down when the temps are below 10 degrees, though.  I'm not a downhill skier, and have yet to try cross country.  So snowshoeing was my way to get out. 

It all started with horses ... my desire to be outside in all kinds of weather.  It's a blessing :) 

What's yours?

Money Makover ... Totally !!!

I was blessed to have all of my tuition covered by grants and scholarships while I attended community college, and also an expensive private college. Here's the kicker --- I was encouraged/coerced into taking student loans and graduated with about $30,000 in student loan debt, which now has a balance of $50,000 because of interest.

 I began community college at the age of 28, just prior to my daughter's 2nd birthday. (I was in a serious relationship with her dad ... we talked about marriage.) I was a member and officer of the honor society, and graduated from the community college with honors. I was also pregnant with my second child (same dad). I was accepted, and transferred, to an expensive private college, which I started attending when my son (2nd child) was 3 months old. I attended this school because I had applied for, and was given a full scholarship.

A few months prior to the birth of my second child, my partner purchased a larger home, in a nice neighborhood, within a fabulous school district. It was a great place to raise our children. Marriage was still being discussed (all the while he was cheating on me). The household bills were a lot, but he had a good job as a postal worker, and also owned nightclub with his brother, and a small janitorial business. I worked for him cleaning offices at night, without pay, so I could help with the household finances.

When I started at the private college, I found out, and made the mistake of telling my partner, about the ability to take student loans for personal reasons. He convinced me that we needed that money ... after all I was living there for free with the 2 kids, and needed to help financially with the household. I succumbed to his 'suggestion'. He said he'd pay the loans off, after all. So for the next three years I took out student loans and handed them over to my partner, who made every attempt to sabotage my college success, by the way.

I graduated in 1997, Cum Laude, with a double major in Elementary Education and Women's Studies. We broke up just after graduation - surprise, surprise. Among other things, he used 'my' money to purchase and rebuild a Mercedes. The tires alone were $5,000. Smart girl ... really dumb choices!!! But it is what it is. Since graduation, I have worked in education. I am in my 12th year as a teacher in the Title I program. I work part time - 5.5 hours per day, 140 days a year, and make $25,000 per year. Having this job enabled me to raise my children - seeing them off to school each day and being with them at the end of their school day. I didn't have to pay for child care. Now my children are grown - my daughter just graduated college, and my son obtained his GED and is working on culinary training.

Because of my low income (with no benefits), I have been able to obtain low cost medical insurance through my state. (If I'd had to purchase medical insurance through my school district for my family, it would have cost me more than $500 per month.) Also, my daughter was able to receive Pell and other grants, and my son has been able to attend Job Corps, for free, to obtain his GED and trade training. He just started there this past August. My daughter, however, has had to take out some student loans to cover tuition that her grants would not.

Because of my low income, I have been unable to pay back a single cent of my student loans. They are currently around $50,000. I have been looking into graduate school for myself, so that I am more marketable in the teaching profession and could work full time. I have pondered this for 2 years, and can't even bring myself to apply. I can't bear the thought of taking on more loans to cover what my financial aid might not.

So, here I am, beginning The Total Money Makeover, so I can DO something with my life. My take home pay is around $2,200 per month (September-June ... I AM NOT PAID OVER THE SUMMER), with rent being $970. There are other credit debts I'm paying, as well, including a small ($115) car payment. I have to scrimp and save in order to survive in the summer. I have taught summer school, which has helped, but have have mostly saved and used my tax returns as summer income. I am looking at downsizing to a one bedroom apartment when my lease is up. I've only kept the 2 bedroom I'm in so that my son could finish high school (last June). By the way ... in the last 5 years of being in this apartment, I have not had my own bedroom! When both kids are home, I sleep on the daybed in my living room. I don't even own a couch :)

I know what it is to sacrifice. Wish me strength :)

It's been a long, long time

I haven't written in so very long. I guess that's what happens when life happens.

I have just survived my first week back to work, and more importantly, my first week without having my kids home. My daughter's all moved into her apartment in the town where she's attending college, and my son has been living on campus where he's attending trade school. Weird ... the only time I've ever been completely alone for any length of time is when they've been away at church camp.

I can't say that I'm enjoying it, but I don't hate it. Takes some getting used to, that's for sure.

The blessings, albeit shallow -- I don't have any one else's mess to deal with. I have very few dishes to wash. I don't have a mess to vacuum. Not that I totally minded those chores, but it's nice not to HAVE to do them.

Blessings to you!

Laura

I met a woman named Laura the other day. Laura is bald. She's even lost her eyebrows. She has been through months of chemotherapy in order to keep her breast cancer from growing. The chemo has worked and now she'll have a double mastectomy. Please keep her in your prayers. Here's the thing I wanted to point out about Laura - SHE'S PROBABLY ONE OF THE HAPPIEST, MOST OPTIMISTIC PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET!! The spirit in that woman is one that you almost never see, especially in people who are not fighting cancer and possibly staring death right in the face. She acknowledges the Lord in everything, and I think that has made all the difference. I'm blessed for having met her! Be a blessing!

Don't Stop at 5

The recommended daily servings for fruits and vegetables is 5. As I was pondering this just this morning, I was reminded of Galatians 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

9 fruits - OF THE SPIRIT! That's a lot. But it's a good lot.

We are embarking on a new year. While I don't make typical resolutions, I do look for something in His word to stand upon to welcome the new year. This scripture will be mine.

I think I'll also include: “…make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance…” 2 Peter 1:5a-6a. I am reminded to “add” some things to my faith.

I shall start measuring victories by the smaller choices I make each day because-

Big things are built one brick at a time.

Victories are achieved one choice at a time.

A life well lived is chosen one day at a time.

It's not just a 'New Year' thing. These choices happen each moment, each hour, each day. Thank the Lord for his Goodness, Grace and Mercy!

Blessings to you!

Thanksgiving. i.e., the Giving of Thanks

I have so many things to be thankful for. While life is not a bed of roses, not even close, I count my blessings. I count them daily, hourly, even by the minute - sometimes. Yes, the blessings are there. I'm thankful!!

Be blessed - Happy Thanksgiving.

K.I.S.S.

I have a few items in my Amazon shopping cart. They are waiting anxiously to be purchased. I have already purchased a few Christmas gifts ... just a few items, though! I'm also going to try to limit my purchases to American made products, and items purchased at local small businesses.

My motto: Keep It Simple Sis! In doing so, I will also keep my focus on the many blessings of the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. I purpose to relax and enjoy. I hope you do, too!

Love!!!

Joy

It comes in the most surprising ways, sometimes. There's the obvious answer to prayer; seeing something that makes you happy (in my case it's usually something in nature); time spent with those you love, etc.

Today, I experienced joy in a multitude of ages. Let me explain. I have been testing students at school to determine their reading levels or abilities. I worked with kindergarten, 2nd grade and 6th grade. I had 5 year old's tell me that they couldn't "do it" when talking about the sounds that letters make. Yet when we did rhyming activities, they excelled and I told them they were "rhyming experts". I think that was the best thing they'd heard all day!! Two of my second graders were apprehensive. One little boy was in tears. Yet when we began working, he beamed, saying, "This is a piece of cake for me". No more tears after that!!! One of my sixth graders started at a level 5, and had little difficulty through level 7. By the time he got to level 8, he struggled, but I haven't seen such perseverance in a 12 year old in ages!!! I continued to encourage him and it was such a delight to see his face beaming with pride.

Today these things brought me joy!!

Empty

I ... have ... nothing ... left.

That is all.

Cleansing, Inside and Out

I used to use Aveda products exclusively on my hair ~ shampoo and conditioner. This was years and years ago. I remembered that after a while, these products were affecting me negatively. I don’t remember whether it was the fragrance, the price, or what it was, but I decided to switch to different products. I think I switched to some organic tea tree oil stuff. Anyways, over the years, I’ve noticed that my scalp and hair tend to become immune to shampoos. Suddenly, my hair no longer feels clean, even after lathering 2 or 3 times. I have no idea why this happens, but it happens consistently. It happened again, recently. I have been rotating between 2 or 3 shampoos over the past year or two, and now none of them are really working. So I thought I’d try Aveda again. I don’t know how this will work out, and I’ve only used the shampoo twice. So far my hair feels clean for a longer time, and time will tell. (This is not an Aveda endorsement!)

Sometimes this happens with me in my relationship with the Lord … how I worship, what ministers to me musically, the prayers that I speak. I get used to doing things in a certain way and suddenly realize, “this music is no longer cleansing; in fact, it’s rather irritating.” Or I can listen to someone ministering His word, hear the scripture that’s going to be taught on, and think, “yeah, yeah, yeah, how many times have I heard teaching on this one…” Sorry, maybe your mind doesn’t go there, but mine does.

Kirk Franklin had a hit album (CD) with the song “Stomp” on it. I have it somewhere around here, and haven’t picked it up to listen in a long time. I listened to that music over and over and over until it just became kind of stale to me. I was at my son’s Black History Month presentation at school, and the director of the production had this Kirk Franklin music playing. A song, I think the name of it is, “My Life Is In Your Hands” started to play. Sitting there in the junior high gym, I closed my eyes, sang along, and wept. It was fresh again, it was anointed, and it felt new.

Sometimes that which is old becomes new again. That’s how His word can be. Hebrews 4:2 says, “The word which they heard did not profit them, not being mixed with faith." Sometimes I can hear His word over and over, and until my faith is mixed in, I don’t get it. But when I do, yahoo!! God can satisfy our thirst with new wine, even though it may really be old wine. Mix faith with the old and even in unlikely circumstances, our “thirst” can be quenched.

I don’t know what will happen with the shampoo issue. I don’t have faith in the shampoo, yet I’ll keep trying. But with God, I’ll recognize those arid and dry places and mix it up a bit and will likely come back around to something old.

In Pursuit

Awhile ago I began working with a horse named Sierra. Sierra is 10 years old and hasn’t had much training or groundwork in the recent years. I can tell that she has had some work previously, though.

I am pursuing Sierra. I want to build mutual trust and respect with her. The first time I had her in the oval training ring, she ran around and around that ring. She had a halter on, but no lead rope attached to me. I stood in the middle of the ring, relaxed, waiting for her to find me. You see, horses are prey and herd animals and they NEED to have someone with whom they can trust - one who is not a predator. Usually in a herd, there is an alpha, a leader. And within the herd, there is a pecking order. That herd stays together for protection – they watch out for one another. Within Sierra’s herd is her mother, Kate. They have always been together, and Sierra rarely leaves Kate’s side.

Sierra wasn’t removed from her herd when I brought her to the ring that first time. She had been tied in the barn getting groomed. She was relatively relaxed. Still she was separated from her herd. Other horses in the barn were whinnying, and she would pause from her run, and call back to them. She was quite frantic, in fact. It was a warm day, but she was sweating profusely. I was told that the sweat stains on her body were patterned from anxiety, not from running around or working hard.

I continued to allow her to run, and if she paused, I would turn toward her with the carrot stick in my hand and “whip” the ground to get her to continue. Sierra’s sensitivity would rarely make it necessary for me to do this – usually just turning to look her way would cause her to continue to move.

The purpose of this exercise is to cause the horse to calm down and approach me. Horses in this situation rarely approach a human’s front, they usually come up from behind. This is due to the fact that to a horse, a human is a predator. We have eyes in the front of our heads, like other predators. Because horses are so sensitive, just looking straight on at them puts pressure on them. Alone and away from the herd, a horse feels especially vulnerable.

After about 15-20 minutes of me standing there relaxed while she ran, Sierra approached me from behind. I would not turn to her, unless she touched me with her muzzle. This action is a horse’s way of showing that they accept and trust you. Turning too soon could cause her to be wary and take off running again. Finally, she touched my arm with her nose. Slowly I turned and stroked her neck and side, talking softly to her. I turned away and began walking to one end of the ring. She followed directly behind me. I knew I had her, and she knew she could trust me at that moment.

This exercise with Sierra mimics a game that horses play with one another. But as I’ve pondered this, and the next episode with Sierra, it reminded me of our relationship with God. He pursues us. Sometimes we run and run and run. Some never stop running. Sometimes we finally accept and trust in Him, and we walk directly into His arms. Some never do. The difference is, He is not our predator, but protects us from one who is. The sooner we stop running and trust Him, the safer we’ll feel away from our “herd”. I totally know how Sierra feels. Being alone with the Lord can be a scary thing. You can’t hide any thing from Him, no matter how hard you try. You might show some anxiety sweat stains, too. But I’ve learned that He’s persistent and consistent, trustworthy, loving, and gentle.

Because of Sierra’s trust in me, she allowed me to play more “games” with her. She was not anxious for the rest of our time together that day. The next day I went to work with her again. This time, she was in the pasture with her mates. Because I had to pull her away from her herd, I was extremely anxious. I didn’t know how she would react being taken away. She was receptive to putting on her halter, and to walking out of the pasture, and was fine all the way to the training ring. I, on the other hand, was trembling. My fear was that she would rear up and hurt me because I was taking her away. She did not, and I calmed down eventually. We repeated our exercise once we got into the ring. I unhooked her from the lead rope. Off she ran. I went back into the center of the ring and waited patiently. Again she ran and ran, but this time, she approached me within about 7 minutes. It was a miracle to me. Sierra had some issues playing other games that day, but all in all she did great! I must be persistent to overcome my fear, as well as helping her overcome hers. We will continue to work together.

The Lord will work with us, too. He will wait patiently, no matter how long we run. The quicker we stop running, using up all of this energy, and trust in Him, the quicker we will be able to draw on His strength. “The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power”. Isaiah 40:28,29. It’s a mutual trust and respect thing!!

Changes ...

My friend's voice mail message says, "Oh, yeah. Been goin thru some changes lately. If I don't get back to you, you're one of em!"

Oh, yeah! Change is difficult, and sometimes, we just need to get rid of things that aren't to our benefit.

I'm going through some changes. The good news is that they've drawn me closer to Jesus. The bad news is that it hurts.

I'm thankful in all things. This is His will :)

Whew - *pant* *pant*

I live in an apartment. This weekend, I have shoveled, and shoveled, and shoveled. My deck - several times where the show was piled waist high; my parking lot in order to get my car out; and again in the parking lot, in order to park in a spot that I may or may not be plowed into by tomorrow morning. Somehow this doesn't feel like a benefit to not living in a house.

Happy December!!

Whoa!

Slow down life --- you've gone by so fast in these last few months! I can't keep up.

Daughter back in college, headed for Fiji in about 4 months. Son, in high school and with a new job. Me, back to work after summer break. And when I'm not at work, I'm taxiing the boy around - or visiting my girl at school. She has a bunk for me. I hope to go next weekend.

Love you!

Projects 3 and 4

Today, because it wasn't so stinkin' hot outside, I decided to work on some indoor projects.

First, I cleaned - really cleaned out my refrigerator. Washed everything down, including the top of the refrigerator, and threw stuff away. Whew, that was a long time over due!

Secondly, I painted my entryway. It's just a few walls, not a large space, but it's sure freshened up!

I am glad to have completed these few project this summer. The rest can wait until rainy autumn days and winter days when it's too cold to do anything else.

Hope you appreciate your blessings!

Love U

Eggses

Yesterday was an 'eggie' day for me. In the mood for a warm breakfast/lunch (doesn't that usually equal brunch?), I had two eggs, over medium, with toast. Then, a neighbor brought us her homemade Flan (I had a taste). My son made dinner - crepes. I had one filled with ham and cheese, and put broccoli on top, and one with corned beef, cheese and Thousand Island - his surprise creation. Then I had the Flan for desert! Lots of eggs consumed by me, yesterday.

I just want to reflect on my son's dinner here for a minute. He made all the crepes from scratch and he makes them well! On the table setting, he used cloth napkins and even put lemon slices on the rims of our water glasses.

This really blesses me!!

Blessings to you!

Celebrate!

I have a dear friend who celebrates the whole month of her birthday! I find it to be very sweet. But today is MY birthday. I started my celebration a few days ago, by taking a mini vacation with my kids. We left Sunday afternoon and arrived in the Twin Ports area around 4 o'clock. After meeting up with one of my daughter's co-workers for a minute, we went to Canal Park where met up with another of her friends, ate dinner, and walked around the Lake walk. It was a stunning evening!


It was there that I spotted this bench:


I thought it was the coolest thing ever :)




On Monday, we spent most of the day at the beach on Lake Superior in Wisconsin Point. Usually the lake is much too cold to swim in, but today was perfect. While the water was certainly 'cool', it wasn't uncomfortable. I love that the water is so clear and clean.

That evening we were invited to the home of my daughter's co-worker/boss. He grilled us a great dinner, we played a frisbee game, and capped the night off with great conversation around the fire pit and smores!



Before our departure on Tuesday, we ate a late lunch at The Anchor Bar. They serve great burgers!


As short as it was, this was one of our very best vacations. Even my 16 year old son agrees.

I'm blessed!